Hello

Hello my dear readers, if you are all still out there.

I get emails every so often asking where I have disappeared off to and if I plan to return.

The simple truth is I find the life of monogamy and having a single sex partner very much a bore and not worthy of sharing. However, some of you do not. A lot of you are interested in the psychology behind virginity loss, and let me tell you, I have a lot of deep issues even till this day (after 7 months of dating) that circle around how my virginity was lost and the unfair number of partners my partner has had over me (0-5).

But, I have come to a realization. I still have a lot of stories from my virgin days that I have yet to share. Not only that, but shit, having sex PERIOD brings out a lot of stories. Some good, some sad, and some very, very sad.

So stay tuned.

- (Former) Sex Deprived Virgin

Sex Deprived Virgin No More

On May 7, 2008, somewhere between 3:30 am and 12 pm, I lost my virginity.

It was gone in a fit of hormones and short term desires; a night of temporary passion in exchange for the last shred of my self-control and restraint that I worked so hard to retain for the past 20 years.

It happened nowhere near how I ever expected or hoped for it to happen. In short, it just sort of "happened." I was in denial immediately after, but I could not lie to myself. My virginity was lost.

It was with a boy I met last summer through friends. I developed a small crush on him due to the fact I found him an enigma. He was mysterious and no one really knew much about him. His personality was witty, sarcastic at times even, with a hint of danger in everything he did just because he hid everything so well. Being curious by nature, I was set to unravel his pretenses and figure out just what was underneath.

It took almost an entire year before I was finally able to barely scratch the surface of his mind. By chance, we happened to spend some one-on-one time with each other and as he got to know me a little better, he realized that perhaps I was at least somewhat worthy to be given a chance in the relationship department.

Two weeks of talking and going on dates later, I was in his bedroom one night playing "just the tip." Eventually, the tip became... well, more than just the tip. A couple inches of his dick was going in and out of me at a good pace for quite a few minutes as I awaited my climax.

Shortly after, I paused to ask myself... am I still a virgin? It wasn't full sex in the sense that his entire dick was not in my vaginal canal, but the concept was the same: I just had intercourse. My virginity was lost.

The hours and days that followed were ones that gave me much anxiety. After leaving his place the next day, I immediately called six of my closest friends to reveal to them what had just happened to me. For some reason, I felt virginity loss had to be an accepted thing, and I needed my friend's reassurance that everything was going to be "okay," and that there was nothing wrong with what I had just done. After being reassured by more than a handful of people, my mind eased a bit.

But the truth was I was not okay.

Although my friends didn't judge me or find what I did wrong, the truth was I was supremely disappointed in myself. If someone told me this was the way my virginity was going to be lost even just one month beforehand, I would have expected myself to at least cry and feel ashamed of what had happened. The fact that I didn't react this way at all surprised me. Although I was not pleased with the way in which things occurred, I honestly couldn't say I completely regretted it. I would have liked to delay it just because it would cause less insecurities later on in the relationship so that I wouldn't question if I was "too easy," or if I was only being wanted for the sex. But overall, I think I was nearly a little relieved that it was gone.

The days that followed were filled with contemplation over whether I should continue on my sexual escapades or attempt to grow the relationship by holding back on the sex.

I always knew that once the dam broke, the waters were just going to pour. I didn't really expect myself to question the validity of my feelings and question how much I even valued this person whom I was sharing my most intimate moments with. I felt I was perhaps choosing two very concise and different paths. Either continue to embrace sex and fully explore it to its depth, or attempt to salvage the relationship and minimize if not completely retard the sex.

Sadly, I was embellished by temptation as I began to walk the first path. The sex that continued on henceforth was a little disappointing to say the least, and even a little embarrassing at certain points. Things I know probably wouldn't have made the slightest difference had two people developed feelings for one another, rather than getting into the deed simply to relieve physical desires.

Disappointing, it was all just so disappointing. It took several days for things to finally sink in and for me to realize just what had happened and just what my actual reaction was: disappointment.

And so, this blog is now no longer a valid part of my life.

(At least not the name.)

The "When" and "How" Question

With hormones raging and the constant curiosity about what sex is like, I often ask myself the infamous question: when and how will I lose my virginity?

And so my imagination begins to wander: The lights are dim. Candles are lit. We look at each other embarrassingly as the moment to slip on that condom becomes increasingly awkward. Finally, it is securely wrapped around his penis and we get in the old fashioned missionary position. He pokes and prods in my area for a while until his missile finally finds my target. The initial entrance is one of struggle and slight pain, but we adjust the motions accordingly until the discomfort ebbs away and off we go!

My requirements for this ideal situation goes as follows:
1) Also a virgin
2) Someone I love

As I evaluate my (short) list, I have come to the realization that I have the mindset and standards of a 14-16 year old. In fact, being 20 going on 21, it's becoming virtually impossible to find fellow virgins within my age range to copulate with. In fact, a slight double standard sets in, and I'll actually think something is wrong with you if you're a guy over 20 who has yet to lose your virginity.

Yes, none of this seems to make much common sense, but the truth is my list is starting to look a little more like this:
1) Someone I love
2) Good looking

I at least want to be able to look back and recall that my first time was with an incredibly handsome, lean, cut, and well endowed young man. Although I've eliminated the virgin requirement in order to keep up with the times, I'd like to avoid the stigma of being "just another number," particularly if that number extends beyond 1 or 2.

But ultimately, it comes down to one requirement that I am willing to overlook anything else for:
1) I will not regret it

It seems that the only guarantee this will happen is if I wait for marriage. And well, let's be honest here, I don't intend on marrying anyone anytime soon and waiting to have sex when I'm near or past my thirties just REALLY seems impractical (and loserish). So ultimately, I have come to the realization that my one and only requirement is something that cannot be fulfilled. I think underneath it all, I already knew this subconsciously, which is probably one of the reasons why I've held back, especially for so long now.

And so I wait for the inevitable day where I just get sick of waiting and just start fucking.

It's the broken dream of a girl.

Pouty Lips

Sometimes the first thing you notice on the opposite sex is their eyes. Occasionally it's something else, say breasts. Or an ass. Recently, I've discovered my infatuation: pouty lips.

I don't mean the Angelina Jolie type, but the ones that protrude ever so slightly to form the shape of something I'd devour in a second.

Case A: Elijah Wood

Albeit the fact that he is a hobbit and a little grungy and bloodied up here, those are the lips. Yum.

Case B: Matsuyama Kenichi

Japanese actor I stumbled upon that really kicked off this infatuation. He's got the lips and really fucking knows how to use them too.

Can I get a hallelujah?

Falling Off

Every so often, I meet rather interesting people who I have difficulty understanding. These individuals and I are on completely different wavelengths when it comes to seeing certain aspects of life, particularly on the topic of sex. I recently had such a conversation with a guy named Dick* (don't mind my witty nickname).

Dick is a 30 something year old professional business man in the entertainment industry. Dick has power, and Dick has money. Dick is also overweight, not too attractive, but extremely charismatic in a flirtatious and demanding sort of way. One of those people in high position and expects ass kissing. Needless to say, many girls flock to him in hopes of being introduced into the industry. He apparently lost count after fucking 150 girls.

Now, I'm not a math major but I do believe 150 is a pretty big number. I also collected some fun facts from Dick:

- Korean girls are nymphomaniacs.
- Japanese girls are submissive.
- You either hit or miss with Chinese girls.
- White girls are lazy.
- Fucking a porn star really isn't much different from fucking any other woman.

While discussing his intimate stories, Dick was simultaneously trying to coerce me into the act. Now I don't know why or how a man thinks he looks even remotely attractive by telling you he's fucked over 150 girls, especially to a virgin. He even revealed that he was not 100% "clean," but was currently "healthy."

Seriously?!

After some thinking, I had one question left to ask Dick: Do you feel restless and discontent about life? His answer was what I expected: Yes, very.

And then things come full circle. Those who are unhappy with themselves and with what they have continue to look endlessly. There's never enough money, power, or even women in the world. My guess for Dick is that he'll probably keep looking until his dick falls off.

Blockheads

What I don't understand are people who can't seem to get a clue. Let's just call them blockheads.



No matter how many little hints you drop, or even how direct you are with them, these people are incapable of taking your subtle or not so subtle suggestions to leave you the fuck alone.

Case A.
Fred* was a guy I had a booty call with once (on a blue moon, or perhaps it was a full moon) because hey, let's admit it, we all have urges every once in a while... however much you may regret it the next day and then go back to it the same night. Afterwards, I made it perfectly clear the two-time ordeal was purely spur of the moment and would never happen again. But no matter how directly I tell him to shut up and go away, the boy cannot seem to comprehend these words. In an almost desperate attempt, I question him directly: Why do you still bother me if I am so mean to you? He simply "LOL's" his way out of the question, and continues on to barrage me with links to random youtube videos that I will never click and ask me to go out and grab a bite with him. The answer has been and always will be NO.

Case B.
John* was an ex-boyfriend where things ended on a bad note. But every couple of months, he'll send me a message or phone call, trying to patch up at least a friendship and to check on my status. I ignored this for the first few months, but as I got over my grudge, I decided to start replying. Worst choice ever. No matter how short, blunt, or uncommitted my responses are to his questions of "What is it you want out of life?" "Where do you want to be in five years?" etc., he asks nevertheless and continues to spill out cliche wisdoms, such as: "You'll only get what you work for" (I know this already dumbshit).

In the end, is it because these boys crave what they cannot have? Is playing "hard to get," and not on purpose, driving these boys to pursue their endless ambition even further?

Someone give me a sledge hammer, I want to break some blocks open.

Going Shallow

I wouldn't say my resume of boyfriends thus far has been very impressive. They've included some rather scruffy looking people, and some that I was even embarrassed to be seen with at times. The answer to this has always been: personality is what matters.

We've all heard it a thousand times. I've even preached and practiced it. But upon further analysis, I can't help but wonder, is this why I haven't lost my virginity? Superfluous reasons where the animal instinct in me tells me not to mate with an Ugly in the event that we might procreate and form a monster?



Possibly.

Therefore, I now declare myself on a mission to dig above the surface for once and find someone purely for physical reasons alone. Someone to coddle and fondle, and be my living instant-presto-make-me-horny statue.

It's for the survival of mankind (and to guarantee my good genes don't go to waste).

Dear Edison Chen,

Dear Edison Chen,
You're my fucking hero.

-SDP

I'm sure if you can read English, you probably have no idea who the dude is, but as of late, the media in China, Hong Kong and Taiwan are going insane over leaked sex photos of this dude and several other famous Chinese stars. Chen is "a Hong Kong movie actor, singer, idol, founder of CLOT Inc. and the CEO of Clot Media Division Limited" according to his Wikipedia. I don't really care what the hell that all means, but all I know is this dude is hot. Upon further reading of his Wikipedia, it turns out Chen also flunked out of high school and then somehow out of sheer dumb luck, became the superstar he is today.

Now this pretty much defies every single stereotype ever set across my mind about Chinese people. We don't have to be hard-working and smart to be successful in life. And we have pre-marital sex. Whoa.

My entire life, my good old Mother has embedded in my mind that Chinese people do NOT have sex before marriage. Ever. And yes, I believe(d) her. It's quite sad to say that only did I approach 20 did I start to realize... perhaps her views were skewed. Perhaps they were just flat out lies. Either way, I feel that at times I do a lot of things that disappoint my Mother. This is one category that I have persevered in. She may not be so happy about finding out I've pretty much been to third base and back, but hey, at least I've still got my cherry.

But now reality is starting to land. I almost feel a little backwards, but at the same time I feel unready to have my vagina penetrated.

Edison Chen, if you ever read this, I would definitely do you.

On a side note, Chen has a blog and it's in English. Although it's very bad English, which really doesn't make much sense to me since his fan base is Chinese speaking people. And even those who've learned English probably can't make much sense out of it since it's not even proper English. Hell, even I can't fully comprehend half of it. Oh well, he's hot.

A Blessed Penis

From what I've experienced, the norm has always been that a guy can have one orgasm, and then after a short break, go for number two. After that, it's almost a struggle to get the soldier back up to perform duty again without taking a breather.

Then I met Mexican Boy.

At a mere five feet four inches and weighing in at no more than 120 pounds, he packed an eight inch cock. Yes.

But it wasn't the size of the wang that alarmed me. Ladies and Gentlemen, this boy could have erection after erection after erection for hours, I kid you not. Of course, only the first couple of orgasms would actually ejaculate semen. Afterwards, he'd just shoot blanks. Regardless, I was in awe and envy at how easily and how plentifully this guy could climax. The gap between orgasm and boner was a mere matter of minutes. It was insane. I once experimented to see how many times I could get him off before his penis would collapse and no longer rise. After hours of jerking and blowing and twenty something orgasms later, I was too tired to carry on any longer. He, on the other hand, continued to go at it like there was no tomorrow.

As I dozed off to sleep, Mexican Boy was still jerking off while groping at various parts of my body. I lost count of how many times he orgasmed that night but instead opted to count the sheep in my head.

Maybe this is why Mexicans tend to have so many children?

Asian = Small Penis?

I am an Asian American female who has not dated very many Asian American men. Partially in fear that I might shake my head in shame of the small penis size, and then proceed to disassociate myself from my heritage completely and marry a black man instead. Yes, because we all know black men hold the trophy in stereotypes for having gigantic cocks.

The first Asian penis (a Vietnamese dude) I ever encountered was during early high school in the backseat of his nice little Lexus sports sedan. It was surprisingly roomy, and with the car radio playing slow love songs, the mood for romance began to bubble. The kissing lead to touching, the touching lead to more touching, which lead to dry humping, until finally, it lead to the unbuckling and unwrapping of his pants, only to reveal a TINY one-eyed gnome, sitting there in a neatly trimmed lawn of pubes.



Since then, I have encountered two more Asian penises, but I'll save those stories for another day.

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time, I promised myself abstinence till marriage. Once upon a time, I also wanted to become just like Britney Spears, the spotless pop princess who belted out hit songs like "Hit Me Baby (One More Time)." Needless to say, those times have expired, and Spears has probably more spots than all of the dogs in "101 Dalmatians" combined.

Now at twenty, I consider it an accomplishment to still have my hymen intact. Some applaud it while others gasp in shock. Most just can't wait to rip my pants off and detach the last of my innocence from me. But somehow, somewhere in the back of my mind, I have chosen to abstain, and I'm quite stubborn about it.

Certain advantages play out when one still has their cherry intact. Here is my list of why I have chosen to let my vaginal canal sit alone, in the dark, waiting to expire:

WHY BEING A VIRGIN IS GREAT
1. Hone Your Other Sex Skills
Lack of sex means more practice in the alternatives, such as dry humping. Or cock sucking.
2. No Fears of Pregnancy or Sexually Transmitted Diseases
For the most part, that is.
3. No Guilt and No Regret
No feeling like a dirty little slut for fucking that random guy you met last night while drunk. No regretting you lost your virginity to the ex-boyfriend that supposedly "loved" you and then dumped you after the sex got old. No feeling like you may have disappointed mommy and daddy, kind of like how you might feel after failing to get into that law school they really wanted you to attend or just failing in life in general.
4. Increase in Value
As a rarity in today's society, and since rare things are often worth more, one may feel an increase in self-worth. That and there's a pool of men out there who have virgin fetishes who may be interested in bidding for your virginity.

So happy gold digging and keep those legs closed, ladies.