With hormones raging and the constant curiosity about what sex is like, I often ask myself the infamous question: when and how will I lose my virginity?
And so my imagination begins to wander: The lights are dim. Candles are lit. We look at each other embarrassingly as the moment to slip on that condom becomes increasingly awkward. Finally, it is securely wrapped around his penis and we get in the old fashioned missionary position. He pokes and prods in my area for a while until his missile finally finds my target. The initial entrance is one of struggle and slight pain, but we adjust the motions accordingly until the discomfort ebbs away and off we go!
My requirements for this ideal situation goes as follows:
1) Also a virgin
2) Someone I love
As I evaluate my (short) list, I have come to the realization that I have the mindset and standards of a 14-16 year old. In fact, being 20 going on 21, it's becoming virtually impossible to find fellow virgins within my age range to copulate with. In fact, a slight double standard sets in, and I'll actually think something is wrong with you if you're a guy over 20 who has yet to lose your virginity.
Yes, none of this seems to make much common sense, but the truth is my list is starting to look a little more like this:
1) Someone I love
2) Good looking
I at least want to be able to look back and recall that my first time was with an incredibly handsome, lean, cut, and well endowed young man. Although I've eliminated the virgin requirement in order to keep up with the times, I'd like to avoid the stigma of being "just another number," particularly if that number extends beyond 1 or 2.
But ultimately, it comes down to one requirement that I am willing to overlook anything else for:
1) I will not regret it
It seems that the only guarantee this will happen is if I wait for marriage. And well, let's be honest here, I don't intend on marrying anyone anytime soon and waiting to have sex when I'm near or past my thirties just REALLY seems impractical (and loserish). So ultimately, I have come to the realization that my one and only requirement is something that cannot be fulfilled. I think underneath it all, I already knew this subconsciously, which is probably one of the reasons why I've held back, especially for so long now.
And so I wait for the inevitable day where I just get sick of waiting and just start fucking.
It's the broken dream of a girl.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
The "When" and "How" Question
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16 comments:
I feel like I could've written this exact post. I'm 20 going on 21, as well, and I've been struggling with the same feelings. Just to let you know you're not alone! :)
Um . . .
A) Marriage equals your 30s????!! You could get married considerably sooner.
B) Why will the guy you have sex with be wearing a condom? If you really want to wait until you've got some fantastic relationship with some guy you really love and trust, you'll be on the Pill and won't need a condom. Condoms are really for people who don't trust the person they're with.
Condoms are really for people who don't trust the person they're with.
That is not only wrong, but a dangerous attitude. Having sex without a condom requires you to trust not only your lover, but your lovers ex-lovers, their ex-lovers, their ex-lovers, etc.
It takes a few months from the last unprotected intercourse until tests show anything, and diseases can be carried for years without symptoms. Don't stop using condoms before being tested for HIV, clamydia, HPV, etc., even if you are fully monogamous.
With hormones raging and the constant curiosity about what sex is like, I often ask myself the infamous question: when and how will I lose my virginity?
I have just read your earlier entries, and as I wrote on the first entry: I am puzzled. It seems to me that you're not a virgin, except for the technical detail of having an intact hymen? (I apologize for the personal tone, since I am, I recognize, a complete stranger. :) )
Anyway, to make my point: I don't think there's much reason for building the "loss" of your virginity up to be a big thing: Since you've already had sex many times, having the actual intercourse won't be terribly different (except psychologically, perhaps?). Although it certainly is a lot of fun. :) But for one, I don't differentiate much, when having sex, on whether intercourse was a part or whether we instead did some of the million other things that can make up great sex.
Actually, James you made my point perfectly. You don't trust the person you're with. So, you use a condom. In order to trust someone enough to have sex with them, there should be much more than just "a few months" between their last sex partner and you. You see, your idea of "trust" is naive and stupid -- and ultimately incorrect.
And, of course, if you were right, NO ONE would ever have sex without a condom. So, clearly, at some point in time, you must think it's OK to go without the condom and just stick with the Pill. My point is that it is at that point, when you stop using a condom, that you actually have true trust. Think about it. Just don't respond with your idiot ideas of trust. Follow the logic for a second.
Wow I just took the poll. Where the hell are all you virgins? Let me tell you something, sex isn't special or meaningful. That's just individual perception. You are attaching that value to it, it isnt intrinsically there. Its just fucking. its just an erect penis going into a vagina.
You're setting yourself up for a whole lot of disappointment. My advice to you is to find the most convenient disease free guy you know to knock it out. Give it a go a few times and get over your initial "dead fish" sex phase as soon as possible. Good god, you're 20 years old and you haven't had sex, let alone GOOD SEX yet.
Get your head out of the clouds and get stuffed. You don't want to be a frigid 30 year old and regret wasting your prettiest days not getting off.
P.S. Condoms are ridiculous. For a guy they get rid of all the fun. They kill the moment when you have to go grab one, rip open the package and slide it on. Then it feels terrible. I might as well have masturbated with a sandwich bag. The only STD I'm worried about is herpes. The rest can basically be cured, except for AIDS. Doing a sort of cost benefit analysis, I would rather have a lifetime of enjoyable sex (and actually be able to FEEL wetness, etc.) than ruin it with condoms because of a 1 in a million case of catching AIDS. I'm a heterosexual male not in sub saharan africa and I don't use intravenous drugs. Seriously people, you do realize you're putting a spermicide coated clown balloon over your cock during the most enjoyable moments of life, don't you?
MST
I'm not a virgin, but I feel sorry for people who think so little of sex, which seems to be the majority of people commenting here.
I agree, you should have sex with someone you won't regret it with, but I disagree on having sex with a virgin. If you know the person well enough, you can be wonderfully intimately involved and know you won't be just another notch on their belt. Waiting for someone you have feelings for will make the experience so much better, as will having someone who knows what they're doing and is willing to be patient.
Keep hope alive girl. I didn't lose my virginity until a year and a half ago because I opted to wait and had to find someone who wanted to try and take me, and I'm only 21 now.
And to MST: just because most STDs can be cured doesn't mean they don't fuck up your reproductive track. It's a much more dangerous thing for women too, given that there's much more to damage. Be more sensitive to other's feelings.
Is this blog going anywhere?
Still alive?
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